As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
