Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
