you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
