I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this will be a night to untag.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
