I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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