Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
