is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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