The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Operation Purity has been aborted
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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