...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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