In the future we'll all be gay
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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