I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
zippers are such a cool invention
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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