there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
