I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
