It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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