im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
