....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
