Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
