I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
