I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
