Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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