last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
