it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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