apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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