things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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