i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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