i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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