he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
