Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
