sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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