he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you never un-have a 4some
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
