my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
