why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
