Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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