you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
