four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
