I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
