I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
