Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
