She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
