Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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