When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
