I hate your face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
