i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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