took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
