They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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