So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
