That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
