worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
