she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
