It's like a parade of train wrecks.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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